I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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