Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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