cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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