im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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