THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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