I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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