So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You may now shotgun with the bride
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
