i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
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i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
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we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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