just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
