guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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