Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize