nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
