if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
