if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
no more duck duck goose at the bar
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I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
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Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever