i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
