Texts From Last Night

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  (541): View more from Oregon

  There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?

  (253): View more from Washington

  Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.

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  (541): There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them? (253): Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either. http://tfl.nu/fhrp
  Replies (21) Good night (1116) Bad night (561)
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  (415): View more from California

  Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".

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  (415): Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed". http://tfl.nu/ptkf
  Replies (54) Good night (8113) Bad night (3406)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.

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  (604): Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating. http://tfl.nu/sjit
  Replies (35) Good night (13597) Bad night (1058)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't

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  (403): If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't http://tfl.nu/df5x
  Replies (20) Good night (3181) Bad night (2521)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.

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  (203): he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going. http://tfl.nu/qkax
  Replies (19) Good night (1620) Bad night (3282)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"

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  (440): Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little" http://tfl.nu/17w7
  Replies (6) Good night (3248) Bad night (888)
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  (409): View more from Texas

  i wish i coudl send you meat via computure

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  (409): i wish i coudl send you meat via computure http://tfl.nu/wiw5
  Replies (3) Good night (1938) Bad night (747)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station

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  (480): my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station http://tfl.nu/uhsm
  Replies (4) Good night (1969) Bad night (1235)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway

  (925): View more from California

  I hate that you know that from experience

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  (206): you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway (925): I hate that you know that from experience http://tfl.nu/zmuh
  Replies (11) Good night (1282) Bad night (2328)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.

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  (727): I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy. http://tfl.nu/oiln
  Replies (8) Good night (3101) Bad night (677)
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  (716): View more from New York

  That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information

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  (716): That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information http://tfl.nu/q7xv
  Replies (3) Good night (935) Bad night (317)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Thats Poetry

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  (610): Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is. (919): Thats Poetry http://tfl.nu/gxmw
  Replies (7) Good night (845) Bad night (360)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.

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  (603): I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry. http://tfl.nu/hfvn
  Replies (3) Good night (866) Bad night (522)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.

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  (815): I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance. http://tfl.nu/4mcu
  Replies (7) Good night (1278) Bad night (452)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.

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  (904): You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on. http://tfl.nu/d3w2
  Replies (0) Good night (479) Bad night (148)

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