found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
