Christians are straight up FREAKS
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
