Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
