please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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