she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
