You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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