Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
