wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Randomize
