dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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