susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
