I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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