Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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