so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
