hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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