i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
