wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
