at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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