that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
