I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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