I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
