Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
