You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Also, beer. Big fan.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
