Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
