Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
