So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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