Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize