marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
