I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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