I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
