i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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