hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
