you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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