I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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