what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
