Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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