I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
