just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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