Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
