Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
