i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
