I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
