Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
