idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
