the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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