Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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