My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
