also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
