# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
