my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
