theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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