Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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