Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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