I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
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