My hair reeks of homosexuality.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
