Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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