no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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