Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
