they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
