I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
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