I am puke
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
This house was built for laser tag.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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