I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
