oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
