i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
