I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
