That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
