Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
there is glitter all over my balls
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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