what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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