ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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