In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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