Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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