he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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